I haven't quite figured out the balancing act of being a working mother. Take the quote from "Marley and Me"; "when I'm at work all I can think about is my kids, when I'm at home, all I can think about is work. And I really don't think I'm doing either job very well".
I love my little Kingston so very much; and yes, I still cry in the car on the way to work...every morning. And I sincerely think it's only getting harder to leave him everyday. And let's be honest, I'm barely working full time. But I DO love my job (my ASU Coaching job that is, I don't call my mother-job a job...because it's way too much fun). I worked so hard to get to where I am, and my gymnasts are my kids as well; I would NEVER quit on them! But that doesn't make it any easier. I guess I'm just so used to work consuming my life, and trying to succeed in that realm, that I'm not used to my mind being in two places at once. How do I succeed at coaching/recruiting/marketing/choreographing/mentoring a successful team as well as raising a son. Is it possible to do both? Can I let go a little of my competitiveness at work to be a better mother? Do I even need to do that to be a better mother? Does having a time away from him make me a better mother or a worse mother? Does absence really make the heart grow fonder? These are all rhetorical obviously, but if you have an opinion, I'm not opposed to hearing about it...but please remember how sensitive I still am on the topic; refer back to the first sentence of this paragraph for reference.
Which is more important to me...Obviously being the best mommy, hands down, no question about it. Do we need the income? Yea. Would we survive without my job? Probably. Does working make me happy? 90% of the time, yes. Would I regret quitting? Absolutely. Coaching collegiate gymnastics is my dream job. But so is being a mommy. Didn't I work and pray just as hard, if not harder, to be a mommy...
It's not that I'm unhappy or even depressed. I try to cherish every moment I get with Kingston. Every moment is THAT special to me. Would I cherish him just as much if I was there all day everyday, maybe not...Something for me to think about I guess.
Awww, Kari, I hear you! I think the same kinds of things all day long most days and spend my free time trying to figure out how to get paid for blogging (haha) so that I won't have to keep thinking these things! But you will find your balance. You are an amazing mama and you'll figure out what makes the most sense: money, being a sahm or a working mom or something in between, and no matter what you decide you'll still be a great mommy! I love you! ::hugs::
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lindsey. You are fabulous at both the mommy job and gymnastics job. I actually think it is good for the kiddos to be babysat by someone other than mommy or daddy, especially on a part-time status. It helps with their socialization skills. It is expecially good for them to be in contact with other children. Not only is it stimulating for them but it too helps develop social skills. The best scenario is just what you and Linz are doing and that is using part-time sitters. Hang in there babe, and don't second guess yourself. You are a fabulous mom.
ReplyDeleteLINZ - I think you should post this on your blog site. It might relate to alot of other working mommies.
This picture is one of my favorites honie... I wish I didn't wake you up when I took it, but had to. It was too cute.
ReplyDeleteThis is me at work, thinking about my family, missing my Kingston.